1. Stay out of it if you are not asked to be involved.
2. If you are asked to take charge of the plans, establish your budget. Then establish just what you will do, and the bride and groom will do. Be prepared for this to change, be an adult.
3. Remember, you are the parent. Say only what you mean, and say it with humor or gentleness. This is their big day, hopefully your daughter’s only wedding. He’s her fiancé and those are his parents. Be gracious or excuse yourself from the room until you can be.
4. If a large formal wedding is desired, realistically figure whether you can afford it. If not, let the couple know using the power of your words in the direction of love and truth.
5. If a small informal marriage ceremony and reception are what they want, be happy for them, no matter how you feel. (Throw an engagement party, or a first anniversary celebration) The event can be intimate and beautiful and especially memorable.
6. Destination weddings can get very involved. Hire a consultant and let her do the work within budget and realistic expectations.
7. Select the wedding consultant very carefully. Lots of people claim to know how to put on a wedding. A few get it just right, most get things done, and some make more problems than they solve. Check out credentials, past events, get referrals, review the consultant’s photo album. Shop around.
8. A wedding consultant will have a timetable and schedule of events not only for the day of the wedding but for the months preceding it. Use it.
9. If you choose not to use a consultant, get a notebook and keep track of what is needed, when it is needed, and all your work toward that end. Have someone, maybe a friend, help the day of the wedding. Simpler, the better.
10. Be prepared for things to go wrong. Stockings get runs the day of the wedding, weather can change everything, and some people don’t show up.
Enjoy the wedding, the beauty, the happiness and the significance of the occasion. Oh, and be ready to write those thank you notes!
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